Bullies Aim
Below the Belt
"He couldn't see a belt without hitting below
it." -
Margot
Asquith
The following
questionnaire can help you determine whether a challenging individual
qualifies as a bonafide bully. The question is, does s/he hit
below the belt accidentally or aim below the belt intentionally?
If you are dealing with several difficult individuals, take the time to
fill this out separately for each one. Answer the questions,
rating the frequency of these behaviors from 1 (Rarely) to 3
(Occasionally) to 5 (Often). Go with your instinct. Your first
answer is usually the most honest because it comes from the gut not the
intellect.
|
Bully
for You? Questionnaire |
Rarely
- Occasionally - Often |
|
1.
Do you "talk on eggshells" around this person and
watch everything you say because you never know what might
trigger a tirade? |
|
|
2.
Is this person a know-it-all who has to have the last word on
everything? |
|
|
3.
Does this person act condescending or superior? Does he/she
treat you as if you were incompetent? |
|
|
4.
Does this person make hurtful remarks and then claim he/she
was just kidding? |
|
|
5.
Is this person hypercritical? Does s/he blame everyone else
for what goes wrong? |
|
|
6.
Does this person lie or make exaggerated claims about his/her
accomplishments? |
|
|
7.
Does he/she have a Jekyll/Hyde personality? Is s/he charming in
public and cruel in private? |
|
|
8.
Does this person refuse to apologize or admit fault - even if s/he
obviously made an error? |
|
|
9.
Does this person use aggressive body language, inappropriate
touching, or physical violence to intimidate you? |
|
|
10.
Does this person dominate conversations and talk over people who
try to get a word in edgewise? |
|
|
11.
Does this person call you vile names (_itch! _astard!) or have
derogatory labels (Klutz! Stupid!) for you? |
|
|
12.
Does this person insist on controlling the decisions (i.e.,
financial, food, travel) and attack you if you dare question
his/her judgment or authority? |
|
|
13.
Has this person tried to isolate you from friends/family? Is s/he
resentful when you spend time with others? |
|
|
14.
Does this person play martyr and try to make you feel guilty or
responsible for his/her moods? |
|
|
15.
Does this person pick fights or criticize you in public because
s/he knows you won't cause a scene? |
|
|
16.
Has this person pinpointed your weakness or uncovered a secret
and used it against to make you feel ashamed? |
|
|
17.
If you threaten to end the relationship, does this person make
nice to get you back, and then begin mistreating you again? |
|
|
18.
If you protest this person's behavior; does s/he go on the
offensive and demand to know why you're giving them such a hard
time? |
|
|
19.
Does this person indulge in crazy-making behavior, such as
breaking commitments; reversing statements; twisting things
around, and accusing you of over-reacting? |
|
|
20.
Are you happier when you're not around this person? |
|
|
|
|
Total
Points: ______ |
Scoring:
50
or below: This individual is NOT a bully. He/she may
be unpleasant to deal with once in awhile, however win-win communication
on your part will enable the two of you to co-exist cooperatively most of
the time.
51 -
75: This person may occasionally cross into bully behavior. You may
need to escalate your response in those situations so he/she understands
that particular behavior is inappropriate. If you keep your cool and
communicate constructively, you'll usually be able to resolve what's
wrong, repair the relationship, and move forward, not much worse for wear.
76-
100: Uh oh. It looks like you've got a full-blown bully on
your hands. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Get your pen
out, sit down, and start taking notes so you can begin planning how you're
going to stop this individual from running and ruining your life.
Reprint
Rights:
Sam
Horn's articles are copyrighted so if you would like to reprint any of
these articles, please contact
Sam Horn
for permission and include the following:
"Reprinted
(or excerpted) with permission from Action Seminars' newsletter by Sam
Horn, author of Tongue Fu! and Take The Bully By The Horns,
www.samhorn.com, 805-528-4351."
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