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Or purchase from
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Table Of
Contents:
(Linked below are chapters currently available
on online.)
28 Ways to
Lose Your Bully
Way 1:
(this page)
Bully For You? & Bully Questionnaire
Way 2:
Understand the Nature of the Beast
Way 3:
Update Idealistic Expectations
Way 4:
Stage a Conflict Resolution Evolution
Way 5:
Become a Verbal Samurai
Way 6:
Get Out of My Space
Way 7:
Be Positively Intolerant
Way 8:
Respond to The Strategy, Not The Substance
Way 9:
Beat 'Em to the Punch Line
Way 10:
Look Out for the Tell-Tale Traits of a Tyrant
Way 11:
Police Your Puh-lease
Way 12:
Realize Clarity Rules
Way 13:
Put Up a Brave Front
Way 14:
Know When To Hold 'Em, When to Fold 'Em
Way 15:
Put All Kidding Aside
Way 16:
Act On (vs. Act Out) Your Anger
Way 17:
Bid Adieu to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Way 18:
Don't Leave Home Without It
Way 19:
Refuse to Play the
Blame-Shame Game
Way 20:
Ask, "Is What I'm Preaching What I'm Teaching?"
Way 21:
Ask Yourself, "Is This Deja Moo?"
Way 22:
Depend on the Kinkiness of Strangers
Way 23:
Continue to Trust - But Tie Your Camel
Way 24:
Exorcise Your Demons
Way 25:
Lean on We
Way 26:
Give Schoolyard Bullies an Education
Way 27:
Speak No Evil
Way 28:
Screw Up Your Courage
Summary and
Action Plan: Savior Self: The Buck Starts Here
Resource
Directory
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Way 1: Bully For
You?
BULLY
QUESTIONNAIRE
"At the age of four with paper hats and
wooden swords we are all generals - only some of us never grow out of
it."
Peter
Ustinov
A woman said,
"When I think of bullies, I picture someone like Bluto out of the
cartoon Popeye. You know, a big brute with hairy arms and bulging
biceps. Is that what you're talking about?"
No, that's not
what we're talking about. Bullies don't necessarily wear black
hats or have bulging biceps. They come in all shapes, sizes,
genders, ages, and professions. Ninety-year old grannies can be
bullies. Priests can be bullies.
A bully is someone
who intentionally abuses the rights of others to gain control of the
situation and the individual(s) involved. Bullies deliberately and
persistently use intimidation and manipulation to get their way.
The key words here are intentionally, deliberately, and persistently.
All of us are difficult on occasion. Bullies are difficult on
purpose. We may be situationally uncooperative or unpleasant.
Bullies are strategically uncooperative and unpleasant.
Bullies Aim
Below the Belt
"He couldn't see a belt without hitting below
it." -
Margot
Asquith
The following
questionnaire can help you determine whether a challenging individual
qualifies as a bonafide bully. The question is, does s/he hit
below the belt accidentally or aim below the belt intentionally?
If you are dealing with several difficult individuals, take the time to
fill this out separately for each one.
CLICK
HERE TO GO TO THE QUESTIONNAIRE
No One Deserves
To Be Bullied
A bully's motto: "Chaos, panic, and
disorder. Looks like my work here is done."
Do you have someone
in your life who scores higher than 51 on this test? You're in the right place. We're not going to dwell on how to
deal
with
everyday difficult people, we're going to focus on how to deal with
egregiously difficult people whose goal is to spread chaos, panic, and
disorder.
A woman in a seminar
asked, "Why do bullies act the way they do? It's
hard for me to understand why people would deliberately harm someone
else."
Good question. Our next chapter explains what's behind bully
behavior.
Knowing why they do what they do can keep us from being knocked off
balance
when they try to pull one of their tricks.
Action Plan and
Discussion Questions
Think of the most
challenging individual in your life. Does s/he qualify as a
bully? Why or why not?
Does this individual exhibit other destructive behaviors that weren't
on
this
questionnaire? What are they?
Which of these behaviors do they indulge in most? Give an example
of
how
s/he does this to you.
Now, take the test for yourself. Do you exhibit some of these
characteristics? Which ones?
If you discovered that you sometimes behave like a bully, are you
willing
to
read this book and look for ways you can treat people more
compassionately?
Explain
.
( TOP )
Summary of Bully For You?
Harmful
Beliefs/Behaviors |
|
Helpful
Beliefs/Behaviors |
|
|
|
| Intentionally
hurts others
"I'm
going to make him sorry he ever met me." |
|
Occasionally
hurts others
"I
didn't mean to say that. I'm sorry." |
|
|
|
| Rejects
reasonable efforts
"It's
my way or the highway." |
|
Responds
to reasonable efforts
"Let's
figure out what's fair." |
|
|
|
| Wants
only to win
"If
you don't like it, too bad. Take it or leave it." |
|
Will
accept a win-win
"Okay,
I'll give a little on this if you agree to that." |
|
|
|
| Refuses
to admit fault
"You're
dead wrong, and I'm not going to listen to you." |
|
Recognizes
when at fault
"I
wish that hadn't happened, and I won't do it anymore." |
|
|
|
| Runs
over others' rights
"I
don't give a darn whether your family's upset. This is the
way it's going to be." |
|
Respects
others' rights
"I
don't agree with them on this, however we'll do it their way when
we're in their home." |
|
|
|
| Aggravate
violent individuals
"Hey
you fat jerk, sit down. I can't see the game." |
|
Advance
in the opposite direction of violent individuals
"Usher,
could you please talk to the man in seat 45B? He's spilling
his beer all over everyone." |
(
TOP )
Innovation Information
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